Breastfeeding. Breastfeeding. Breastfeeding. Well, this was the one thing I never expected to struggle with. Truly it was the last thing on my mind, I figured it was just something that just fell into place with no effort. Like water to a stream, it would just flow.

Are you laughing with me yet?

BAM, 4 days postpartum, my milk came in and I couldn’t get a letdown no matter how hard I tried.There’s a little bit of a backstory to my case. For this to all make sense and for my readers to understand how I found what worked for me in the world of breastfeeding, we should talk about that first.

Here we go.

A few years ago, I had a pretty big surgery to correct a chest deformity I had with my ribs called Pectus Excavatum. The surgery I had was called the Nuss Procedure. It went as well as it could have given the severity of my case, during the surgery I had some pretty severe nerve damage which was expected to happen. My surgeon Dr. J did a stellar job, I honestly owe her my life. At the time of my surgery, I didn’t even think that maybe one day the nerve damage might affect my breastfeeding journey.

It did.

The science behind what the woman’s body does to breastfeed is nothing short of magic. We as women are kinda like these magical beings walking amongst men where we take a seed, grow it into an entire human and can sustain that tiny human with milk from our bodies. It’s magic, and don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

Back to the milk supply & letdown.

I couldn’t get a letdown, I tried all the things. Warm compress, relaxation, massage, pump, pump, pump, did I say pump? Latching every moment I could. I was finally able to produce a good amount during my pumps after a few days, maybe averaging 2-3oz per session. I tried to get my supply up, power pumping, pumping after feeding. I tried the teas, the lactation cookies, the coconut milk, body armors, lactation consultations. I threw everything I had at getting a bigger supply and nothing was really working. I did find one thing that did make a significant impact and that was using a supplement from Legendairy Milk called Liquid gold. Here’s the link to amazon if you’d like to look into it or other supplements they carry https://amzn.to/3ZTN0R8 During this time I was also struggling with finding a formula I could combo feed with. My daughter struggled with gas, tummy pains, and constipation trying to get on the right formula was a nightmare. This was the big push into the kinda crunchy era I now find myself in.

I started reading the ingredients in the formulas and when I say I was angry with what I found, I was angry. If someone can tell me, for good reason, why corn syrup is one of the first ingredients in a baby formula I’d like to know why. That was just the tip of the iceberg on my issues with most US formulas. I was able to get her on a European formula called Kendamil Organic Goat and that worked beautifully for us. I didn’t cringe every time I had to prepare her a bottle. I had confidence in feeding her. I felt like she was getting second best to breastmilk from me. By the time she was about 6 months I decided for my mental health and the overall wellness of my family, it was time to let breastfeeding go entirely.

I cried for a few weeks about it, I wanted to be the mama who did the first year. I know the benefits of it. I saw how much of a struggle she had with formula and it crushed me that I couldn’t provide more. There was a part of me that thought, without breastfeeding her, how do I comfort her? How do I mother her? What do I do without this comfort that only I can provide to her? Really, all she needed was me. My love was more than enough to comfort her.

I was enough.

Looking back, it was enough. More than enough & I’m proud that I gave it everything I had. I eventually switched her to Kendamil Organic Whole Milk and we ran with that until the very end of her formula journey. There is so much around breastfeeding and what society tells you, you should and shouldn’t do. The unsolicited advice from others and the comments made only add to the frustration mamas face with breastfeeding. Some of the biggest judges I have found are actually other moms! Not this mama, that’s what this blog is for, supporting, uplifting, and sharing what worked for me. Hopefully, it will help a struggling mama out there too. At the end of the day, I stand with fed is best. If you can breastfeed, awesome, if you can’t, that’s okay too. Find what works for you and be confident in your decision and most of all, stand by it.

A fed and loved baby is a healthy baby and at the end of the day, that is truly all that matters.

Until next time,

Kinda crunchy mama.